I like cold beverages

This song's been going through my head all day: I like cold beverages, i like cold beverages, i like cold beverages.....something, something,something. youtube it: it's a spunky song, by G.Love (i think with Special Sauce..not sure though)
so how have I spent my day today? Well, I was fortunate enough to be spending 7 hours of my glorious free-time at the Musikmesse; or music fair, in the famour fair grounds of Frankfurt. Which by no means should be mistaken with a 'fun-fair' or carnival type event; although if you visit the book fair, you pretty much are at a carnival for book-display. moving on...
the music fair is pretty interesting. ok it's not as interesting as it is exhausting and confusing. There is so much to see and do, and you get to try ALL the instruments, and listen to a bunch of americans make Pree-sentations (intentional spelling). There were several arists singing sheets of glossy paper with their pictures on it. I stood in line for two of those signings.
I arrived at 12 pm. By the time I was done with 5 out of 8 rooms, I had two, no, Three bags on my shoulders-free magazines mainly. And a pair of drum sticks (yay). The rest, was a load of crap. Oh and I got a 'pearl' bag. But everyone was walking around with really cool Marshall bags, and I could not find the stand. That really disappointed me.
The highlight of the day though, was the Agora Stage. Live music. Awesome music. The RTL ALl Star band-freaking amazing (RTL is like one of the main channels in Germland). They had award-winning drummers there too; like Will Coulhen (you might not be aware, but he's awesome) and the legen-wait for it-DARY Randy Black! It was an honor to listen to you both. For those of you who don't know me too well, or even if you do, here a piece of info about me: I have a thing for percussionists. I always did, always will. Enough said.
On my way home all I could think about how sad my life has become. But then I thought that when i was a few years younger, the opportunities to become something were given to me; thrown right at me. Now it really is up to me to make the best of that which was given to me earlier in life so easily. and even back then it was hard work. The music i was making made me happy. I did crazy things some times to make that music-like i bunked an entire week of school once and sat hiding in the music room, just so that I didn't have to attend the final maths classes in VVS. Ultimately, my class teacher found me lurking in the corners of the drums room, but heck, they all loved me and i don't think anyone really cared what I did anyway.
My performance with Abida Parveen and Lufti Bushnik: I learnt ALL the sufi music with Amir (the Neh player from Iran) within three days. Of course the following ten days were just about fine-tuning and dress-rehearsal. I would give anything to be sitting amidst the damp smell of the green room under the stage, or to be jamming with the guys who came to help us to do the mahabharat play for founder's, or to just sit around in the audi playing for noone,and then looking up at hundreds of intense faces. And even the mere thought makes me think of warmer, happier days; the sun's shining bright outside,but I'm not happy. Why do people keep saying 'You should be happy to be alive, or that you lived another day' when I'd much rather not be miserable and struggling.
I think I could gain some happiness from sitting on the cool grass, with my friends, sipping cold beverages, and doing the thing that makes me most happiest-music is what I am good at. That's my talent. But I've lost that too....