if you want to be happy you have to think as little as possible.
keep your hands busy-busy hands are happy hands.
if you work hard and play less, you will think less, hence be happy more
Thursday 29 January 2009
Wednesday 28 January 2009
i just want to write a post, doo dai dee doo
i wanted to write down a song about writing a post because I can but Ill just let it be.hope you enjoyed reading these two sentences (and the title)
le blog
So i thought that a blog is useful.i needed to know that someone somewhere MIGHT possibly stumble upon the writings of moi, and then miraculously i would be networking again and hence not lose my sanity. turns out there is so much that I can't write in a blog. Not just because it's incredibly personal, but also because i don't know how.
I don't know how to do a million things. i learnt that today. and if noone is ever going to show me then I guess I'll just keep on not knowing. it's not ignorance it's just nothing.not indifference, not ingnorance, not unmentioned, not...well anything. is there a term for something that's well nothings and yet something?
I don't know how to do a million things. i learnt that today. and if noone is ever going to show me then I guess I'll just keep on not knowing. it's not ignorance it's just nothing.not indifference, not ingnorance, not unmentioned, not...well anything. is there a term for something that's well nothings and yet something?
Tuesday 27 January 2009
should never think....
Should never think-lyrics by Robert Pattinson
Should never think
what's in your heart
what's in our home
So I won't.
You'll learn to hate me
But still call me baby
Oh love
So call me by my name
And oh
Save your soul
Oh
save your soul
Before you're too far gone.
before nothing can be done
I'll try to decide when
She'll lie in the end
I ain't got no fight in me
In this whole damn world
Tell you to hold off
You choose to hold on
It's the one thing that I've known
Once I put my coat on
I'm coming out in this all wrong
She's standing outside holding me
Saying, 'Oh, please
I'm in love
I'm in love'
Girl save your soul
Go on save your soul
Before you're too far gone
Before nothing can be done
'Cause without me
You got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
I thought that this post is significant to my blog.Mainly because that's how i came up with the name for my blog. Secondly it illustrates the fairy tale world I hope for. It's and oST to the movie Twilight.Robert pattinson is by far the most appealing man to me in the whole wide world and I have this huge teenage crush on him. :D
Sunday 25 January 2009
Yesterday
since 2005 there are four people who I have spoken to as much as I did yesterday.
'And why is that , Essie?'
I guess in a way the 'How I met your mother episode' (season 3 episode 15) paints a pretty good picture of what Im talking about. When we meet people from High school you revert back. Of course high school years are the years you only go to school to hang out with your friends and use bad-language unsupervised; have hormonal rages that give you the same adrenaline rush you get from lying to your parents about boys and how sex before marriage is taboo;and finally: coz u get to be 16 again...and reflect on how lame you were when u were in school. oh gosh that's so not what the FINALLY was meant to be..right when i think of what it WAS originally meant to be I'll write a NB to this post.
Right coming back to yesterday.School...i learnt a lot in school.For example that I AM REALLY bad at algebra, but really good at geometry.or I was pretty good at English language but when it came to writing lit answers without ruchi dictating them to me, well let's just say I wasn't as good as I had built up in my mind.
Amonst other things though I definitely learnt things about myself:If I wake up every morning staying out of people's lives and doing what I want to do,then I go ahead in life.But if i get stuck in the moment and caught up with emotions the mind and body are no longer in sync. I could give a few examples here, but if anyone is reading this then I'd like to hear your take on this (if you can understand what I am saying)
Coming back to the 'reverting bit': I met up with an old school friend. And it's funny how you think you've matured when you left school, when what's really happened is: You've become yourself.There's nomore pretending, nomore lying,nomore rages and in time you finally admit to yourself that you are who you are and that you don't have to be ashamed if you are NOT living your life upto other people's expectations.And most importantly when you meet people from your past you should be happy to do so, because though you might not see it imediately or ever, the puzzle would not be complete without them and that alone is a good feeling (:S I think it could be). And as my friend and i were discussing yesterday when you leave an institute as scarring as the boarding school i'd like to call 'fake-prison' and you meet others from the same place there's an immediate connection (unspoken but unnecessary to be mentioned connection) so you automatically greet with warmth AND THEN YOU REVERT.
I would never be able to explain how 'leso' my ex history teacher was to the new people in my life and make them laugh if I just immitated her in front of my classmates from school. Vandalising the peacock throne holds no meaning to my boyfriend, even if claims to be listening and understanding where I'm coming from. Trying to make people understand how important it was to me to be able to let go of myself when i was up on stage and was able to perform music i loved- and i got to feel important was something i was really good at, is so hard to bring across in words without sounding like I'm showing off.Worst of all there's so many pieces of the puzzle that I miss having around that I guess it's good when I get to relive them and find them because then I realise they are not lost forever. In fact they never were-i just have to be bale to admit to myself that things are not always as bad as they may seem and that finding the lost pieces is a good thing; piecing life together is a good thing, because the good and the bad go together and the picture is always a pretty one.
Maybe when I leave my bed I'll be able to really put my good intentions to use. I left my bed yesterday for the first time in over a week. and it felt surprisingly good...the person who made me do it gets a lot of credit for this.thanks...
'And why is that , Essie?'
I guess in a way the 'How I met your mother episode' (season 3 episode 15) paints a pretty good picture of what Im talking about. When we meet people from High school you revert back. Of course high school years are the years you only go to school to hang out with your friends and use bad-language unsupervised; have hormonal rages that give you the same adrenaline rush you get from lying to your parents about boys and how sex before marriage is taboo;and finally: coz u get to be 16 again...and reflect on how lame you were when u were in school. oh gosh that's so not what the FINALLY was meant to be..right when i think of what it WAS originally meant to be I'll write a NB to this post.
Right coming back to yesterday.School...i learnt a lot in school.For example that I AM REALLY bad at algebra, but really good at geometry.or I was pretty good at English language but when it came to writing lit answers without ruchi dictating them to me, well let's just say I wasn't as good as I had built up in my mind.
Amonst other things though I definitely learnt things about myself:If I wake up every morning staying out of people's lives and doing what I want to do,then I go ahead in life.But if i get stuck in the moment and caught up with emotions the mind and body are no longer in sync. I could give a few examples here, but if anyone is reading this then I'd like to hear your take on this (if you can understand what I am saying)
Coming back to the 'reverting bit': I met up with an old school friend. And it's funny how you think you've matured when you left school, when what's really happened is: You've become yourself.There's nomore pretending, nomore lying,nomore rages and in time you finally admit to yourself that you are who you are and that you don't have to be ashamed if you are NOT living your life upto other people's expectations.And most importantly when you meet people from your past you should be happy to do so, because though you might not see it imediately or ever, the puzzle would not be complete without them and that alone is a good feeling (:S I think it could be). And as my friend and i were discussing yesterday when you leave an institute as scarring as the boarding school i'd like to call 'fake-prison' and you meet others from the same place there's an immediate connection (unspoken but unnecessary to be mentioned connection) so you automatically greet with warmth AND THEN YOU REVERT.
I would never be able to explain how 'leso' my ex history teacher was to the new people in my life and make them laugh if I just immitated her in front of my classmates from school. Vandalising the peacock throne holds no meaning to my boyfriend, even if claims to be listening and understanding where I'm coming from. Trying to make people understand how important it was to me to be able to let go of myself when i was up on stage and was able to perform music i loved- and i got to feel important was something i was really good at, is so hard to bring across in words without sounding like I'm showing off.Worst of all there's so many pieces of the puzzle that I miss having around that I guess it's good when I get to relive them and find them because then I realise they are not lost forever. In fact they never were-i just have to be bale to admit to myself that things are not always as bad as they may seem and that finding the lost pieces is a good thing; piecing life together is a good thing, because the good and the bad go together and the picture is always a pretty one.
Maybe when I leave my bed I'll be able to really put my good intentions to use. I left my bed yesterday for the first time in over a week. and it felt surprisingly good...the person who made me do it gets a lot of credit for this.thanks...
Saturday 24 January 2009
the answer
I have observed the following (Please feel free to add on to my little observations):
1-Life is pretty pointless
2-It would be so pleasant if the following did NOT exist-money,snow and other cold weather things,evil people,war.....(i could go on for awhile)
3-Our planet should have been named Eutopia and not Earth-MAYBE then we would actually be living in a more peaceful world (People like to live upto expectations.earth is such a characterless name...oh oh-great name for an unfortunate rich kid soon to be living in Hollywood)
Nevertheless, if you want to survive and be satisfied with yourself doing so then you need two attributes that should most likely get you places.
1-Wit. This does not necessarily mean you need to be knowledgeable.Just the fact that you can sound like you know a lot is good enough. But wit is a good thing to be great at. AND
2-Quickness. And I don't mean you should be able to run like a Jaguar.Ok that would be incredibly useful too if you were being chased by let's say an pstrich or something (they are evil creatures!) But if you are fast-paced in your activities; good with your hands, fast thinker, physically adequate for the pace of mankind, etc (i hope you get my point) then you will definitely be ahead of many peers.
Sadly I can't seem to think of any concrete examples at this very moment but as soon as I do they will be up here.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe the cast of Whose line....? Though they don't quite define what I am talking about-oh Wayne does. He is VERY appropriately witty (wears a thong to work :P) AND he is fast-in speech,thought and physically...AND he is a known face.Therefore he has also had the chance to appear in other shows and I think he really enjoys what he does.Which hence leaves him satisfied and at peace with himself.Or is that not success?
Friday 23 January 2009
the world is a stage
I agree with Shakespeare.
I really do.
The world is a stage
We must play our part.
It goes for me as it does for you.
.................to be continued...................
yesterday I was learning,
today I am home,
tomorrow I'm earning;
but it's always the same goal.
we play our roles,
we play them well,
for we live
not in Heaven
but in Hell.
Hell I say
for I saw Satan come-
With anger, violence,
bombs and guns...
And what's the point?
I wake up and ask
What's the point
of this so 'meaningful' Life?
Is it to break my back through
labour, pain and strife?
I don't think so.
I don't think it's true.
It seems like the puzzle is pieceing itself together.
We play our parts,
but I don't think its worth it.
Not for me
and not for you.
-----------------TBC---------------------
I really do.
The world is a stage
We must play our part.
It goes for me as it does for you.
.................to be continued...................
yesterday I was learning,
today I am home,
tomorrow I'm earning;
but it's always the same goal.
we play our roles,
we play them well,
for we live
not in Heaven
but in Hell.
Hell I say
for I saw Satan come-
With anger, violence,
bombs and guns...
And what's the point?
I wake up and ask
What's the point
of this so 'meaningful' Life?
Is it to break my back through
labour, pain and strife?
I don't think so.
I don't think it's true.
It seems like the puzzle is pieceing itself together.
We play our parts,
but I don't think its worth it.
Not for me
and not for you.
-----------------TBC---------------------
Thursday 22 January 2009
i should get out of the house
I just googled: How to get out of the house.first result:Some site that basically has three lines saying that it's good to get out the house.and if you don't want to do it alone, you should do it with a friend. Dont be scared to face the outside world, etc...BUT: I am alone and scared AND don't have a friend to drag along...
BTW RUCHI: Thats supposed to answer your query: Why am i in a weird place in my life? I have noone to talk to...kind of puts you in a weird place. although its not the talking I miss as much as listening to others and trying to help them feel good.
BTW RUCHI: Thats supposed to answer your query: Why am i in a weird place in my life? I have noone to talk to...kind of puts you in a weird place. although its not the talking I miss as much as listening to others and trying to help them feel good.
Wednesday 21 January 2009
In my right mind I don't think I would have 'casually' blogged.But I am not in my right mind atm.
It's been just over FIVE months and I still have not:
1-found a job
2-made new friends in the place i live in
3-got a job
4-lost weight (ok i did, but that didn't last v. long.i heart food)
5-GOT A FREAKING LIFE!
It's been just over FIVE months and I still have not:
1-found a job
2-made new friends in the place i live in
3-got a job
4-lost weight (ok i did, but that didn't last v. long.i heart food)
5-GOT A FREAKING LIFE!
Tuesday 20 January 2009
Summer Loves Jose
NOTE: THIS IS NOT HOW I USUALLY SPEND MY TIME.
I have spent the last three hours watching youtube clips of..........MAURY! And i cannot tell you how disguisted I am. I am not quite sure at what-but I am sure it'll boil down to Maury finally.Or the producers.Whatever.
About the TITLE (S L J): The last episode I watched was about how people are attracted to their opposites.Summer in this case is an 'adult film actress'(I didn't realise you could call them 'actors')and Jose was this bus driver she met, well on a bus (she missed her flight to florida so he said: Come on I'll take you in my bus woman with big, fake,grossly round boobs). And apparently they got 'talking' and fell in love.BUT here's the crux of the situation: Whilst she look like a life-size Barbie, he on the other hand looks like a baby elephant.
Think about it...LOL...i mean disguisting.absolutley disguisting
I have spent the last three hours watching youtube clips of..........MAURY! And i cannot tell you how disguisted I am. I am not quite sure at what-but I am sure it'll boil down to Maury finally.Or the producers.Whatever.
About the TITLE (S L J): The last episode I watched was about how people are attracted to their opposites.Summer in this case is an 'adult film actress'(I didn't realise you could call them 'actors')and Jose was this bus driver she met, well on a bus (she missed her flight to florida so he said: Come on I'll take you in my bus woman with big, fake,grossly round boobs). And apparently they got 'talking' and fell in love.BUT here's the crux of the situation: Whilst she look like a life-size Barbie, he on the other hand looks like a baby elephant.
Think about it...LOL...i mean disguisting.absolutley disguisting
Monday 19 January 2009
Me,myself and I
I have a music lesson tomorrow. its been a month and all the studying i did was done tonight.I think its about time i accepted the fact that I am a last minute person.
I have good intentions-but they are in my mind.They always are.Like i said in my last post-the dreams stay in your head whilst you're asleep, only when you wake up do they become reality (or not)-Maybe It's time I woke up.
Last year I thought I had woken up; but somehow it ended up being a new years resolution all over again-and just yesterday I was thinking of how I need to get back in shape, sharpen my mind, my Self....But i put off things till the last minute.I always do.
I have good intentions-but they are in my mind.They always are.Like i said in my last post-the dreams stay in your head whilst you're asleep, only when you wake up do they become reality (or not)-Maybe It's time I woke up.
Last year I thought I had woken up; but somehow it ended up being a new years resolution all over again-and just yesterday I was thinking of how I need to get back in shape, sharpen my mind, my Self....But i put off things till the last minute.I always do.
Sunday 18 January 2009
this is a first...
so the average person (sorry but our world is built up on stereotypes) might think: 2.08 a.m.-maybe i should get some sleep; what a wonderful feeling it is, eyelids closed, lights off, shutters down,closed [and perhaps even locked] doors.......sounds like a prison to me.
but its said sleep can do wonderful things-you wake up rested, to a new day; sleep takes the toxins out of your body; sleep makes you forgot all the bad things in the world; but most importantly sleep takes you off to 'dreamland'-a real place for fictitious happenings.
This Dreamland is a 'great' place; great NOT being synonymous with aweinspiring greatness. I guess it's got more to do with the expanse and probabilities of the mind.
I know that in a few years if I have kids, I will entice them into sleep (for reasons I cannot yet fully understand;if your mind and body accept this sense of being then you are ready,or?), for "nothing happens unless first a dream" (Carl Sandburg). But I am a cynic.I think dreams are a luxury for those who can afford to make them reality. Dreams are meant to give you hope; a hope that someday you can accomplish the great things you do in your sleep-and whilst it makes us smile for the moment I find the subconscious a dream-shattering institute. Take for instance the dream I had two nights ago: My latest heart-throb appeared to me and it was a fairly romantic scene. (said he was madly in love with me etc....)But when I awoke I knew that there was no reality in that dream. And it shattered my heart to have to awaken to such reality. And therein lies the conflict in my mind: Should I never wake, or should I never sleep?
but its said sleep can do wonderful things-you wake up rested, to a new day; sleep takes the toxins out of your body; sleep makes you forgot all the bad things in the world; but most importantly sleep takes you off to 'dreamland'-a real place for fictitious happenings.
This Dreamland is a 'great' place; great NOT being synonymous with aweinspiring greatness. I guess it's got more to do with the expanse and probabilities of the mind.
I know that in a few years if I have kids, I will entice them into sleep (for reasons I cannot yet fully understand;if your mind and body accept this sense of being then you are ready,or?), for "nothing happens unless first a dream" (Carl Sandburg). But I am a cynic.I think dreams are a luxury for those who can afford to make them reality. Dreams are meant to give you hope; a hope that someday you can accomplish the great things you do in your sleep-and whilst it makes us smile for the moment I find the subconscious a dream-shattering institute. Take for instance the dream I had two nights ago: My latest heart-throb appeared to me and it was a fairly romantic scene. (said he was madly in love with me etc....)But when I awoke I knew that there was no reality in that dream. And it shattered my heart to have to awaken to such reality. And therein lies the conflict in my mind: Should I never wake, or should I never sleep?
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