I spare a thought for you once again....

I have always known the reason for my sleepless nights.

Even in a world when snakes are my friends, who bite for fun, and the unreal chase me around red-flowered gardens

And

Michael Phelps teaches me how to fly,

I am awake.

The piping hot water does not scorch my skin, it makes it red, and goes away.

My breakfast leaves me hungry, everyday and again and again and again.

And when I work, I work for you. I look at my phone and want to call you. And I do.

The days, weeks, months go by

And a year.

I still think of you. Every day. Every minute. Every second.

You keep me awake. And alive.

I don't see your face anymore. But with every though I feel you breathing right next to me.

And just the thought keeps me awake. And alive-but for how long.......

I loved you once-Pushkin

I loved you once: perhaps that love has yet

To die down thoroughly within my soul;
But let it not dismay you any longer;
I have no wish to cause you any sorrow.
I loved you wordlessly, without a hope,
By shyness tortured, or by jealousy.
I loved you with such tenderness and candor
And pray God grants you to be loved that way again.

Mumbai

'i realised that since I have come to Mumbai i havn't blogged AT ALL!!!!!! and that, my dear friends, is rather pathetic (or as the kids nowadays say-'pretty sad)

so far this experience has presented me with the cocktail of Life.

I arrived here on the 27th of November, 2009. Got to the airport, where my mother's uncle's driver (whose name i just can't remember or pronounce) was awaiting my arrival. I sighed my way out of immigration...'

Right, it's the 3rd of December, 2010- just over a year after my arrival in Mumbai. it's crazy that I am blogging NOW! and trying to give a little update on what's happened so far.

So here goes:

November, 2009: ARRIVAL In India's 'Safest city for girls'.

December, '09: Shoot starts, for Nikhil Advani's 'Patiala House'. I meet Niharika Jolly-it's been years.

January, 2010: Still shooting. I live in a flat in Lokhandwala (dear friends of our from Germany leased it to me). The Aram hearts Esra saga is over. I was heartbroken. Still am :(

February, '10: Mom visits. I move to Twixa Khala's flat in Khar-good times!

March: Prep for London schedule of P.H.

April: Prepping, Crepe Station, weight =+8 kg!!!!!! OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May: Home for medical :)

May: London to help production prep for the tight and overloaded PH London schedule. It's REALLY REALLY COLD! Kaashvi and I freeze our behinds off in the office :(

June: Shoot! It's still REALLY REALLY COLD HERE!

July:Shoot! Mainly cricket stuff. It was chilled. Mom & Bro& Rikhil come to visit us in Nottingham. GREAT TIMES!

End July, '10: I Ran home after the PH schedule. 3 weeks of holiday. and it was awesome weather! I miss Mumbai, though+Theobramas+Sabby+Janta+Hill Road randomness

August, '10: Back to Mumbai. Just started with 'Agent Vinod'. Birthday Celebrations with weird 'handkie man' (that's a story to tell the grandkids!)

September, '10: RIGA! it was REALLY, REALLY COLD HERE, too. But we had a good time.

October, '10: Back to Mumbai. Prep tbd, but nothing is getting done.

November, '10: Chilling the time away. Yoga+ aerobics starts. I lose weight. But i spent the last weekend at The Big Chill- and we all know how healthy that scrumptious squidgy cake is :)

December, '10: We just got rolling.......

(Awaiting picture update......)

a thought

i miss you

and sleep don't come easy, no it don't.

i think about you all the time

and the day don't pass quickly, no it don't.

i wish i had a box

to keep these thoughts away

the path is dark,

and your light has faded

no light to light the way

Riddance of Madness

I was drowning out your voice,
to never hear your cry.
I was trying to ignore-
the never-ending sigh.
All I ever wanted, was a little piece of you;
to never hear you say good-bye
But it was all, too good to be true.


I was drowning out your cries of love,
for too similar are those of pain;
everytime that you would shout at me
Again and again and
again.
I looked into the sky at night for a little piece of you,
even though
even though I felt so blue.


I am working on this piece i call
'Riddance of madness'.
To deal with all these thought I have :
Constant churning feelings
of
sadness.
Through this rough path that we've been through,
I've been drowning out your voice so much
I didn't hear you when you said
"I Love you".