things are not all ha ha hee hee

no, things are not always ha ha hee. But everyone already knows that right?
Today had it's ups and downs. And like any other person I have realised that the decision I have to make is definetely life-changing. I have always heard people say that the decisions they made at some point of time in life changed everything that ever happened to them. but i never believed them. i guess there is more truth than I thought in the phrase ' you gotta experience it to believe it', or whatever.
SO as in my previous post, you know that my weekend has not been all that exciting. BUT I am doing more this weekend than i have done on any other. It makes me happy, AND I can already feel the misery kicking in. you know the low you have when things have been going so great, that when they are over you feel horribly weighed down but the emptiness that follows.
Today reality finally caught up with me. In the sense that, I have always been realistic, I am the person who sees things for what they are, not what they could be. That may seem naive in some people's minds, but it has worked for me.
I was in the car, with Aram, we had a bit of aloud discussion and I suddenly realised that I have to make a life-changing decision. One one hand I have been presented with a golden chance to follow my dreams, and on the other I have a shot at love. The romantic in me says "follow your heart". The cynic in me says "money is everything. Do some good for yourself". For about a year, I have been trying to find a way to get both. I have been to scared to face the consequences of making this decision and I strongly believe that it is the roote cause of all my misery.
I have had and am still haveing the best weekend in a VERY long time, but I can feel the low kicking in. And if my heart and mind can't unite, then I am sure that I will be stranded forever.