To think I might not see those eyes

"To think I might not see those eyes,
makes it so hard not to cry."
Snow Patrol ('Run')
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Qen3Xovtfc

Refering to a post by my friend Yasha, I would like to comment on how blogging is the 'interim'-the in between (that was not a conscious dictionary move) of a big step; the breath you take when you start a new sentene; the pause before the accentuated, long, sequence of notes on your staff; the bending of knees before the big jump, etc.
Right now I have been contemplating for about two days straight. And that is a fair amount of contemplation. I am no philosopher, but I like to toy with the fact that I could be, if I could be bothered enough to write about my philosophies (and do some research..but then in my opinion philosophy has a face, that does not require such characteristics; i am a philosopher in my own mind; or something to that extent) Moving on...
As you know (if you read my previous stuff you would know) that my conflicts are merely those of the heart and mind. A still pending and unresolved conflict. A conversation I had a few weeks ago with a friend of mine, made me realise that I am actually more or less convinced that my mind is thinking the 'right' thing. my heart on the other is being irrational and stupid and taking a risk. Sadly i can't follow through on both.
So over the past few days, I have been merely contemplating- no longer is it a conflict; there is a stalemate. No, not a stalemate. There is no war though. I have come to accept that the coalition government is here to stay. Acceptance brings peace. The next step though is working on the solutions.
So I term this the contemplation phase. A sort of Video-conference, or round table conference or to be more original 'the thinking clear' conference.
Sadly, events have taken a turn. Probably the reason why I am a bit more clear in my mind. It has turned out that the cause of my suffering, might not be a cause of happy suffering any longer.It was along period of hoping and believeing that if everything else fails, this particular thing won't. But it turns out that relationships, no matter how well cemented, can be shaken up and crumbled like, uhm, crumble, by a strong enough force; an earth quake in terms of relationships i suppose. So if the matters of the heart are settled by controllable, yet unforeseen forces, then the circumstances have been tweeked in favour of the mind.
But when I think about it, the suffering at least made me happy. I have not been as frustrated, unhappy, rough, sad, low, on the verge of tears, helpless, rude, brash, annoyed, confused, alone, suicidal, and other negative things, as I have been today. And it makes no sense.
When I think about how a few simple words that were sent to me in a freaking 'text' message,make me feel, I think of how "I might not see those eyes. Makes it so hard not to cry. And as we say our long good byes, I nearly do"
I hope that I can, as in the past turn my back and walk away. But I'd rather work things out. My heart might not mend easily this time.
If you cared enough, *A*, you would be reading this. But I know you don't read my blog. I have sprawled out my thoughts to you i writing, and you still don't get it.